I wish I could punch you in the face.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
