Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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