the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
