hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
