I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
