HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
