Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
