Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
