My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
