Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
