I wish you could order shots online.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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