Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
