Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
