I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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