Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
