Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
