So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
