Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
