if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
