ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
