Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
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