I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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