My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
