you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
