My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I need moral support for this bender
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
