I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
