We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
