You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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