He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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