i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Your cock deserves a montage
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
