suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
