HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
