Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
