some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
