I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
