i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
