Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
