Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
