One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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