Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
