I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You did what with his pubic hair?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
