someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
