Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
