so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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