The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
