just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
