so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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