I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
