Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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