she looked like the bat from fern gully.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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